🔗 Share this article

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of living actively: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?